Chris Clark

Who's afraid of Virginia Wolffe?

Not Chris Clark. He never read that book. That's right, Chris never paid attention in his studies. Since his birth in Guam on a balmy winter evening in the late sixties Chris has always had a head for throwing scissors at plants that closely resemble other plants.

Throughout childhood, Chris built replicas of monuments and such out of curly straws and matchbox cars. After stumbling upon a recipe for a whole wheat bread substitute for spackle, Chris struck it rich in the Eastern Oil Markets.

That wasn't enough, though. With his billions Chris donated glass window panes to hungry airline pilots nationwide. After moving back to the continental United States following a cochlectomy, Chris invested in microwavable fiberglass insulation and lost his fortune.

So, now a washout with 35 cents and a french fry to his name, Chris took up boxing lessons from tigers at the San Diego Zoo. he paid the rent on his refrigerator box in the alley behind the Target by fighting in title bouts with cartoon characters from the seventies. Within months, Chris had scrounged up enough money to buy back his green plunger.

After that incredibly sensless journey through idiodic rantings and ravings, Chris settled down on this website, sending his message out to the masses. Read with pride!

However, if you want to be all boring and read Chris's real bio, click here.