So What Happened to the Thirtieth?

The Reality Syndicate Chronologists are hard at work trying to uncover the mystery of why yesterday didn't take place. Allegedly, all Syndicate staff members have no recollection of any "March 30th" and dismiss the notion of a Thirtieth of March existing as hogwash, rubbish, or some other term exemplifying nonsense. Though tomorrow begins a brand new month, our scientists will not rest until the reasons behind the disappearance of the day has been resolved, or until they just don't feel like investigating anymore.

New Domain, Same Site

This fantastic site's address, www.reality-syndicate.com, has always been rather long and cumbersome. In attempts to alleviate lengthy URL troubles now and in the future, the Syndicate staff has been working out a deal for a second, much snappier domain name! Though we will always be The Reality Syndicate and our address will always be www.reality-syndicate.com, in a few days there may be a second address that is much more "user friendly."

Search Page Overhaul Underway

As the Reality Syndicate has grown by leaps and bounds in its thirteen months of existence, many parts of it have become outgrown and in need of replacement. The Search pages were no exception. Today this sites search engine was shut down for a much needed overhaul. In a few days to a week, hopefully, the Syndicate Search Engine 2.0 will be up and running!

Oscar Buzz Dies Down, Disgruntled Losers Abound

With the Academy Awards done and gone for this year, many actors and actresses are left wondering "why not me?" One such actor is the Syndicate's own Mr. Fred, Professional Zombie.

Though Mr. Fred has never acted in his life (or rather, afterlife), other than doing Woody Allen impressions in front of the mirror in his bathroom, he still voiced his concern that amateurs such as himself aren't being noticed. His anguished cries were met with cold shoulders and slamming doors. Mr. Fred vows to make his undead voice heard, and has already moved on to the Screen Actors Guild. Only time will tell.

Yurivich Gruskenvald Narrowly Escapes Wombat Attack

Yurivich Gruskenvald, resident wombat expert and animal behavior analyst, is shaken this evening after the thrilling yet terrifying attack that he unfortunately suffered this morning at the hands (or paws, rather) of Dave the Wombat, long-time Syndicate mascot.

"I never expected that sort of violence from him," stuttered the visibly shaken Gruskenvald, "who would have thought that those furry, cute little paws could yield such destructive, evil power?"

Mr. Wombat's attorney notifies us that he is unavailable for comment at this time, but expresses his sincere regret that this incident had to occur and be reported to the authorities.

An anonymous passerby was quoted as saying: "Come on, the creep deserved it. Look at that hairstyle! What is that, Einstein Chic?" A script is in the works for a When Wombats Attack special.

Doctor Floyd Expresses Contempt for Linear Time

Doctor Floyd Skindleprimer was found to be documented briefly in history books from 1953 as attempting murder, earlier today. It seems that Syndicate Bulletin writers consistently misspelling his name drove him to his rage, and while in the year 1953 tried to sabotage the lives of the parents of the Syndicate authors.

Fortunately, officers from the Federal Department of Chronological Delinquency (FDCD) were able to get a hold of the situation before history was grossly altered.

Protests Exist on City Streets! Citizens Shrug!

Charles Anderson, our roving reporter, is at it again, delving deep into the heart of the public opinion, or some such tripe. In his latest investigative report, Charles examines the recent fad that is the NPM, or Neutral Protest Movement. Discover the dangers and benefits of this extraordinarily ordinary trend in "Neutral Protesting is Sweeping the Nation."

Blorflax Strikes Again!

He's back, ladies and gentlemen, that diminuitive alien dictator known only as Blorflax: once again, he's here to offer his counsel to those who will accept it. Take a look at his latest installment, in which he discusses important issues such as Antarctic squids and corporate headquarters.

You Too Could Make an Exorbitant Amount of Money!

Today the Syndicate presents a special message from one of our dear friends/generous contributors, Mr. Frank Boron, Attorney At Law. Have you been injured in any kind of accident, whether it was your fault or not? If so, take a look at Frank's new ad for financial compensation! You won't regret it, trust us.

Here's a Look at What's to Come

Doctor Floyd Schillermeister, famed scientist and humanitarian, has recently signed a deal with the Syndicate to produce a series of instructional science videos. In order to get in the "scientific spirit", Dr. S. has borrowed Victor Price's prototype time machine to travel back to circa 1953 to film the instructional video. Look for a Behind The Scenes article showing off production of this amazing, high-budget film.

Yurivich Gruskenvald, not-quite-so-famed wombat specialist and animal enthusiast, is putting the finishing touches on the first part of his new series, "Amazing Animal Facts!". Details are sketchy, but our sources tell us the article may have something to do with animals and/or the amazing facts surrounding them. Look for it in the near future.

Green-Pigment Infestation Thwarted by Syndicate Pigment Engineers - Public Sick of Being Included In News Headlines

Thankfully, dear readers, the invasion of green pigment which many readers have described as horrible, terrible, and other adjectives as well, has been, so to speak, stomped. Our expert team of pigment technicians has finally defeated the threat posed by this verde menace. ("verde" is Spanish for "dangerous", of course.)

Doctor Floyd Shklellenheister, coordinator of the pigment-erasure team, commented: "It's Shkletzinheimer!!! FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY!" Truly a grand and commendable job done by all, we at the Syndicate are eternally grateful.

Green Plague Continues, Momentarily Lessened by Release of Article!

Yes, the horrible Green invasion continues - but don't fret! Chris Clark has just released the second in his series on The New Face of Usenet - Check it out here to alleviate the pain and suffering you must be feeling.

Syndicate Readers Seeing Green - Aloof Doctors Unconcerned

Don't be alarmed, Syndicate friends - due to St. Patrick's Day, a mild outbreak of green pigment has temporarily taken over the Syndicate. Worry not, though - our expert team of Pigment-Erasure scientists are on the job now, cleaning up the mess as we speak.

Syndicate Forums Fresh off the Steam-Powered Conveyor Belt of Progress!

Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present to you the Reality Syndicate Forums, now making it easier than ever to share your thoughts with the rest of the Syndicate community! Give it a look, at least - then post a message if you feel the need! Fill out Syndicate-related polls, view the opinions of other Syndicate fans - there may even be a few familiar faces from time to time. Enjoy!

Update on the Syndicate's Budding Film Stars

A bombshell was dropped only days ago when we here at the Syndicate learned that our own mascots, Perry the Baseball and Fresnel the Bat, signed a movie deal with Lack of Quality Studios in Hollywood, CA. We've heard little from our two courageous pieces of sporting equipment, but we do know that Perry just finished his first screen test. Unfortunately, we're still trying to negotiate a copy for limited viewing. Maybe in a few days yet!

More Questions and Equally More Advice

Today Blorflax is back with his eighth - that's right - eighth installment of advice here on the Syndicate. This week, learn how to strike revenge on Syndicate scientists and become a master flame grilling chef, especially if you're a pyrophobic! Read it all here.

Is "Linkage" a Word? Regardless, It Is Now!

The Reality Syndicate is hitting maximum linkage right now, as you may notice. Today, our menagerie expands to except West End Wendy, a site for the lady fans of the Syndicate to enjoy to the fullest. As the days progress we will be featuring more and more top notch comedy websites, so stay tuned!

Bot Invasion! Run for Your Lives!

Oh wait, it seems they're here to help. Yes, indeed, you heard about them a while ago, and now, finally, the first of the Reality Syndicate Robots is here to help you around the front page! His name is Floyd-Bot 12, and his history is both boring and irrelevant! What is important is that he, along with some of his friends in the future, will be around on the various pages of the Syndicate offering their helpful, cold, mechanical advice.

Get Published!

Are you a budding writer, looking to get some recognition for your work? Do you just have some articles lying around that never help with the dishes? Maybe you really like the Reality Syndicate and want to get in on the ground floor. Hey, contact us and become another writer, to have your work displayed on this site for all to see!

Drought of Talent in Hollywood Yields Peculiar Contract

You know Perry the Baseball and Fresnel the bat by now, surely. These two pieces of sporting equipment, the Syndicate's current mascots, have just signed a movie deal with Lack of Quality Studios in Hollywood, CA. In just one month's time, approximately, you can see these two starring in their first of many short films, and all films will premier in the Film and Radio section.

Another Link For the Books

Today the Syndicate has linked with another smashing humor site. JokesAndHumor.com took the time to post us up on their page of featured comedy sites while we, if you'll noticed, have added their beautiful little banner to our link box, just to the left side of the page. Check those guys out, they have some great stuff!

Evil Runs Amok: Public Shrugs

Get ready, Syndicate fans, to take a trip into the mind of a lunatic, Mr. Vincent Price, Author and Inventor. In our newest Guest Column, Mr. Price lets us take a look at his personal journal, which he keeps constantly during the production of his evil schemes, etc. Take a look now to be truly shocked, amazed, and other words as well!

A New Branch in the Syndicate Press Tree

With five articles about computers residing in the Syndicate Press and a promise of more, we've decided to give them their own slot. Now the Syndicate Press features it's newest section, Technology! Here is where you'll find all gaming articles and all articles in the Syndicate's newest series, "The New Face of Usenet"

Posting Messages in Style

Usenet has been around almost as long as the Internet itself, and in it's time on this planet has come to include over 30,000 News Groups. How can you tell what groups are for you? Maybe you're a mindless drone of society and only function as trends dictate? Either way, read up on some of the newest, strangest, and therefore most popular News Groups to hit Usenet here.

Random Fun Upgrade!

Many of you semi-long-term Syndicate fans may remember when the random word generator and random phrases were installed to make each time you load this home page a little different. Today, for the benefit of our visitors, we have doubled the amount of random phrases. Now the chances of you seeing the same home page twice are even lower. Enjoy!

Learn Spanish, the Almost Easy Way!

Yes, yes, now you can finally learn the wonderful language of Spanish, thanks to the folks at the Syndicate and our Spanish Expert, Emily Sweeney! Just take a look at this, the first in a series of installments of simple-yet-useful Spanish phrases for everyday life. Read on!

Are You a Webmaster?

The Reality Syndicate is cordially offering an invitation to other comedy sites and e-zines that wish to boost their traffic, among other things. With the calamity of Drivel Days finally over we are looking to settle down a little and link with some other sites like this one. If you are interested, please contact us!

Don't be Frightened, Loyal Visitors

If you're a hard-core Syndicate-ite, you may notice something different about the site today. Well, we've decided to add some little banner ads. Why, you ask? After over one solid year of providing the Internet going public with quality satire, we realized it would be for the best to sell advertising space. Don't worry, the ads blend right in.

Advice Like This can be Hard to Come By

Blorflax, the Syndicate's very own advice columnists, comes back after the tumultuous Drivel Days with two more letters. In this installment you can hear Blorflax's response to an unfortunate soul who baked and consumed Mr. Fred's Sugar Cookies, Zombie Style (from "After Death Cuisine II") and also read up on who the true creator of the universe is, or at least who's most likely. Get it all here!

Another Month, Another Preview

Now that March is upon us, take a look at only some of the things we have planned for this month:

• The third in the "Reality Syndicate Ambient Film" series
• The Reality Syndicate Forum, up and running!
• From the Gifted Hand of Mr. Victor Price, Author and Inventor: "Of Machineries and Metals, an Account of a Conversation"
• Blorflax's seventh installment of advice
• Another consumer report from roving reporter, Charles Anderson
• A look into the laws of OS's such as Windows, and the consequences of causing illegal operations
• More advertisements to fill the Syndicate Press

It's going to be a great month! Stay tuned.