Would You Like a Doggy Bag?

Today in the Syndicate Press, writer Chris Clark peers deep into the food and beverage industry and their seemingly nonexistent standards on portion sizes. From the smallest of the small to the biggest of the big, from the fancy yet absurdly tiny dishes that drain your wallet to the massive slabs of meat that cost less than a stick of gum, discover all you've ever wanted to know about how restaurants serve up their helpings in Portion Frenzy.

In other news, reports today have shown that the Syndicate Forums project has been resurrected. It's been a long wile since the forums were a thought in anyone's head but now it appears that it soon may become reality. Keep checking the Syndicate front page for updates.

"Snazzy!" One Visitor was Heard to Remark

We all know Flash is a wonderful thing. Now, with the release of Flash MX (the newest version of this delightful software) we were finally able to clean up the ugly little JavaScript spotlight section on this very page. Have a look. Snazzy is the only way to accurately describe it.

In other news today, it appears yesterday we hit our 128th article. If you're counting in binary, that would be our 10,000,000th article! What a milestone!!! I was happy when we reached a hundred, but ten million? All I can say is wow.

For now, relax and enjoy the first day of spring with a hot cup of boiling sulfuric acid. You deserve it.

A Near-Coffee Bean Experience

After narrowly avoiding certain mild discomfort thanks to last week's GREEN invasion, I was driven into a frenzied state of activism, and desperately wanted to do my part to save the world from the various evils involved in the consumption of warm beverages. However, since I have no idea how to go about that, I decided instead to release the second in the How To Drive... series, cleverly titled "How To Drive: Part II!"

Please, enjoy this film responsibly.

In other news, Chris is currently finishing up the incredibly stylish new Spotlight feature, which will be bestowed upon this highly deserving website in the very near future.

Curing the Color Crisis

Thankfully the server has now been purged of the terrible wave of GREEN. Back to our trademark happy blue, we can all get on with our nondescript and meaningless lives. Also, we now have much better knowledge as to this "GREEN" and how it works. Last year it was only startling, but this year we had a death toll of almost 1. See, Jason almost dropped some really hot coffee on his lap when seeing the GREEN.

Okay, so he probably wouldn't have died or anything. Still, the GREEN was scary.

Attack of the Green!

The GREEN is back! Run for your lives! Wow, what a coincidence. That's twice the GREEN has struck, and each time on St. Patrick's day. I must say though, the advantage of this entire web site being immune to pinching hardly outweighs the stress toll that this horrible GREEN takes on our servers. While we try to clean up this festively colored mess, please have a happy St. Patrick's Day.

It like... Bends light, Man....

Drug trafficking is something we must come to grips with here in our material world. The economy of mind altering substances is always growing though, and as Chris Clark reports in today's latest Syndicate Press article, a new wave of "light bending" substances has hit the streets. Known as Narcoptics, they'll make things appear smaller or larger, sometimes even backward. Learn all about how you can spot them in use in Dangerous Narcoptics.

Learn How To Drive All Over Again

Continuing the trend of media-frenzy here at the Syndicate, a literal barrage of new movies has been released to the public! Marvel in the wonder of this instructional video, "How To Drive A Huge Black Pickup Truck," dealing with the intricacies of driving such a vehicle. Bask in its radiant glow here.

The View's Much Better From Here

Kicking off year three for the Reality Syndicate is Chris Clark's latest addition to the Film and Radio section. This provocative and confusing film is set deep within some random mountain range, and stars a silhouette that has yet to be named! Seriously, this is a film that will leave you scratching your head, and not because it switched out your dandruff shampoo for Folger's Crystals. Check out On Top of the World.