Dear
Blorflax,
February 7, 2001 |
 |
 I'm
back readers! I must say that was quite a New Year for me. I intended
to be back in the office writing advice when the strangest thing happened
to me and resulted in a month long disappearance. Fortunately, I managed
to bring along my fun-saver camera!
Therefore, this time
around, I'll only be answering one letter and using the rest of this column
to tell you all about my weird journey. Well now, on to the letter!
Dear Blorflax,
I am a frog enthusiast
and I was just approved for a boat loan. I've gone out boating in countless
oceans and seas, but have yet to find a frog. I'm getting very impatient
and am considering becoming a seaweed enthusiast if I don't see a frog
soon. What am I doing wrong?
-Upset in Unger
Grove
Dear Frog Enthusiast,
I'm so happy I'm
not the only unlucky frog enthusiast in this galaxy! My green skin and
horrible ugly while still somewhat cute appearance leaves many humans
mistaking me for some odd species of frog. Naturally I developed an
affection for such a darling amphibian.
My beginnings were
not unlike yours. I built all sorts of tracking devices and homing warheads
to find and "study" frogs, but after pointing them all to
the deepest oceans in the world I was up to my nub-like arms in seaweed
and sunken Spanish Galleons.
 I
found the solution though! Subscribe to AFN Digital Satellite TV. They
have 92 channels devoted entirely to frogs! Now I sit around the house
eating Cheese Munchies watching frogs all day do what they do best on
my 73" screen high definition flat TV with Dolby surround sound.
It's like I'm really there!
Good Luck!
My
Month Long Disappearance
Unfortunately I didn't
have time to answer any more questions. I will now let you know just where
I've been for the past month though!
 It
all began at my sister's New Years Eve Party. I ate too many deviled eggs
and passed out on the couch. When I woke up the next morning I was in
the back of a pickup truck in what looked to be rural Arkansas. I asked
the driver where we were and how I got in the back of his truck. The man
threw me by the side of the rode and said not to hide in the back of people's
trucks. After days and nights of wandering through the back country, I
found nothing.
 So
now I was all alone and wandering through endless fields of corn. I came
to a lake, eventually, where I found "Dave Henderson's Canoeing Academy."
This place was a small shack with five canoes and a shady looking bum
instructing three bumpkins the finer points of canoeing.
After enrolling in
the month long course and learning my heart out, I'm finally back. I've
never been better at canoeing in my life!
That's all
for this week. Let's hope I get plenty more letters to answer next week!
Make sure to send me your
questions and I'll help you with your problems! Until next
time!
-Blorflax, 3 ft.
tall alien totalitarian ruler
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