Dear
Blorflax,
February 19, 2003 |
 |
 Howdy,
readers, and happy Drivel Days! Between you and me, my absence is from
something of a falling out between myself and the Syndicate management
staph (namely Chris and Jason). I'd rather not talk about it, but let's
just say it took a lot of begging and a lot of free oil changes to get
me to write for Drivel Days! Well, all that aside, let's answer some reader
mail!
Dear Blorflax,
I have a rather
pressing question, Blorflax. Why does that stupid Trix Rabbit always
want Trix so badly? I've tried that cereal, and it's okay I guess. I
like the green ones. Still, if somebody mandated that Trix was not for
me and enforced a strict no-tolerance policy on the matter, I'm sure
I'd be able to cope! Just what's with that damn rabbit?
-Baffled in Bangleton
Dear Baffled,
 Ah,
Trix Cereal. My first earth-born love. I once suffered from a level
of addiction that neared what we see in our poor floppy-eared friend.
You see, the Trix Rabbit is just like any other rabbit out there. He
has family and friends that live back in Ohio where he grew up. He enjoys
nibbling roughage and licking water from the little bottles with the
wet marble at the bottom.
Unfortunately, during
the sixties the Trix Rabbit did more than his share of mind expanding
narcotics. As a method of rehab in the following years, he consumed
many pounds of Trix per day to curb his cravings, while also landing
himself a spokesman job! Hence, once he was cut off from his cereal
supply and allowed no more (due to Trix's devastating effect on the
immune system), the rabbit went into withdrawal. There he's been, ever
since, but he still tries! I commend the bunny for that!
Dear Blorflax,
Your from a far
away galaxy, right? I love space travel and I want to see humans get
to other galaxies someday. We obviously have a ways to go before leaving
our own solar system, so could you share some insights on how your species
made it out so far?
-Curious in California
Dear Curious,
Eep! Humans haven't
even left the solar system yet?!? Good lord! Your species
sucks!!!
 Seriously
though, that's sad. You guys better get on the ball unless you enjoy
the rest of the known intelligent universe snickering at you from distances
you can't reach. Look, it's not that hard to travel between stars! In
fact, I've seen one corporation around here (a technologies and aerospace
innovator known as Toys 'R' Us) that already has mastered one
half of the process.
Hydraulic pressure
technology in ballistics is the best mode for space travel. "Water
Rockets," as they are commonly called in humanspeak, are far more
powerful and efficient than those silly solid rocket boosters will ever
be. What you have yet to master is shrinking technology, though. I'd
rather not spoil how that one's done however, because the surprise is
worth it!
As to food and water
storage problems, I have one word for you people... Lamporf.
Think about it, it's the solution you're looking for.
Heh, can't even make
it out of the solar system.
Well, if Jason and
Chris see their way to apologizing, maybe I'll come back to writing
regularly. Maybe. I don't know if I can work with those clowns though,
but in the meantime go ahead and send
any questions you have here. I may be writing off and on, but
does that make my advice any less priceless?
Heck no!
-Blorflax, magistrate
of coolness.
|
