Dear
Blorflax,
November 29, 2000 |
 |
 Hi
folks! I'm Blorflax. The Reality Syndicate hired me to serve as their
advice columnist and here I am. I'm sure my years being an evil emperor
of an alien galaxy will prove very insightful to my readers. Shall we
begin? All right!
Dear Blorflax,
My
dog makes strange noises when we go on walks. It always happens when
we pass one certain neighbor's house, and little Bailey starts howling.
Following that he recites encyclopedia descriptions of flowers and improperly
cites his references. What can I do?
-Malignant in
Moloxy
Mr. Malignant,
That's quite a conundrum!
I've only heard of that happening a few times in my life, since usually
dogs (especially Jack Russell Terriers) always use proper citation.
I think we can assume this problem stems from Bailey's reading disorder.
I suggest "Hooked on Phonics" or "The Phonics Game".
As a last resort, enrolling Bailey in a composition course at you local
community college may be the only answer. Good luck!
Dear Blorflax,
I would like to
be on TV. I have no talent and no money, but my girlfriend would really
love it. Is there an easy way onto TV without any real effort?
-Dazed and Confused
in DC
My good friend Dazed,
This is a touchy
situation. I'm betting, nay, assuming that if you don't get on
TV then your girlfriend won't cook you those delicious cheese omelets
anymore. Catastrophic! I believe I can help.
 This
is a picture of me on GNN, the General News Network. I'm even there
with my "staff" which is really just my friends Jim and Darren.
I'm supposedly announcing the end of one of America's most beloved sitcoms,
"Bill's Job Search". I claimed to have taken the show's producers
by force and was threatening to wrap them in festive gift paper to compliment
the season. I was on TV!
Then, of course,
the producers arrived and said I was full of it. Figures. GNN cut off
their coverage immediately, but I was on air for fifteen whole seconds!
Let me just say, I'm up to my ankles in yummy cheese omelets. Dazed,
the answer is pretend terrorism with wrapping paper. Have fun!
Well dear readers,
that's all for now. Remember, the more you write, the more I respond!
Send me your questions,
or just wait until other users ask new ones. Stay tuned!
-Blorflax, evil
overlord of the Karundlian Nebula
|
