Dear
Blorflax,
December 13, 2000 |
 |
 Hello
again folks! I'm Blorflax. We had two very interesting letters asking
for my wisdom these past two weeks. Shall way take a peek at them? I think
so!
Dear Blorflax,
The
other day I realized that I don't like this planet. I decided I need
a new place to live. You seem to have a good knowledge of outer space,
can you suggest a good place to go live?
-Bored in Boulder
Good Friend Bored,
 I
can see why you wouldn't like it here. New Age music, leash laws, rubber
factories, Ugh! I suggest going to Nominalicus 17. That's a lovely little
green planet in the constellation Lyra. I warn you though, it may lack
New Age music, leash laws, and rubber factories, but it has an abundance
of nonalcoholic apple juice and countless British pop-stars.
If you do go there
look up a Karudlian named James Forklift and tell him I said hi. He
lives in New Florbiflacata. Enjoy!
Dear Blorflax,
I have always
had a passion for destroying things. I like to hit ketchup packets with
hammers and so forth. I've decided to blow up the Pacific Ocean, since
it's bigger than a ketchup packet. I don't know where to begin though!
Can you help?
-Violent in
Virginia
Violent,
Hmm... Did you try
blowing up something in between ketchup packets and the Pacific Ocean?
I mean, that's a pretty big transition! Try destroying a stapler or
a cereal bowl first, then you should be ready.
 When
you are ready to tackle that nasty ocean, you should use this
schematic diagram I have provided. My slide rule was broken so I had
to draw this without the aid of exacting devices. You will need a base
with a driveway. This is so you can drive to your base. Simple isn't
it? Sorry about the coffee stain, by the way.
You need to construct
a bomb that is rocket shaped with a flag on it. You can use any flag,
really, or make your own even. Here's where your creative spirit can
be unleashed! When you launch your bomb it's course must curve, as shown,
or else it will just go up and never hit any ocean! Not on Earth anyway.
I hope this diagram
proves useful to you. This is yours to keep, but please give me some
credit when you use it to successfully destroy the Pacific. Good luck!
Well dear readers,
that's all for now. Remember, the more you write, the more I respond!
Send me your questions,
or just wait until other users ask new ones. Stay tuned!
-Blorflax, evil
overlord of the Karundlian Nebula
|
