Dr.
S's Halloween Costume Ideas
By Dr. S. |
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 Greetings
friends, Dr. S. here with a an article I've been waiting to release for
a long while.
Now, you
all may know me as the serious, no-nonsense genius of the Syndicate, or
the reputable doctor and researcher whose discoveries in various fields
have changed the way we look at and experience the world. And while these
facts are true (albeit vastly understated), I also have a 'fun' side.
I write 'fun' with quotation marks because I am unable to articulate such
a lively word without sounding terribly awkward.
My 'fun'
side has stirred within me during this Halloween season like a stirring
machine of some kind, and I have, after extensive research, prepared some
'crazy' costume ideas to enhance your Halloween 'fun'!
Now, keep
in mind that I've had months upon months to prepare these intricate costumes,
so you can't expect yours to be of the same high quality. These costumes,
however, make perfect idyllic models on which to loosely base your simplistic,
makeshift designs. So if you're looking for something interesting to dress
up at for your next 'party', look no further than a few inches below this
sentence!
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THE
BIOCHEMIST - This costume is first merely because it is
one of the most impressive, and I simply couldn't wait to show it
off. If you will notice, I usually wear my standard multi-purpose
cornflower blue lab shirt with my standard multi-purpose maroon
necktie.
The Biochemist,
however, knows nothing of these colors! He wears the strange and
terrifying Yellow Shirt, with a horrible Baby
Blue Tie! Also, his nametag is The Same Shade Of
Blue! As if that weren't enough, he keeps in his pocket
Two Differently Colored Pens!
The very sight
of such a ridiculous and unthinkable uniform will strike fear and
confusion into the hearts of my colleagues! |
THE
BIOCHEMIST |
THE
HORRIBLE INK STAIN - As terrifying as it sounds, I once
came across a colleague of mine who was suffering from this very
affliction! The sight was so horrible, I shoved him out of my
laboratory and slammed the door behind him angrily.
For
The Horrible Ink Stain, you'll need to be wearing
a Standard Lab Coat (preferably not your usual
one!). Place a Blue Pen into your front pocket,
and break it! The Ink will spill out onto the
front of your coat, Seeping Horribly and Dripping
Menacingly!
Most
respectable scientists will cower at the very sight of such a
disaster, so be careful where you showcase this costume.
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THE
HORRIBLE INK-STAIN |
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THE
CERTIFIED VALUE SPECIALIST - Feared and renowned the world
over, the Certified Value Specialist is no force
to be taken lightly. Legends of its incredible power have been passed
down between generations, and those who have dared to face a Certified
Value Specialist have rarely lived to tell the tale.
For this costume,
you'll need a pair of Certified Value Specialist Horns,
one clip-on Certified Value Specialist Tail, and
a special Certified Value Specialist Safety-Pin Button Of
Unimaginable Evil. Just put everything in its proper place,
then you're off for some scaring!
Please note:
though it is very easy to scare children while in this costume,
I do not recommend it. Doing so is tapping into the evil that makes
the Certified Value Specialist such a hideous monster,
and you too could be consumed by its horrible deathly jaws.
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THE
CERTIFIED VALUE SPECIALIST |
THE
SCARY GHOST - I am proud of this costume for its pure
ingenuity: it is a cheap but effective way to incite terror in
your friends, acquaintances, and enemies.
Though
The Scary Ghost is terrifying, the costume is
infact very easy and inexpensive to put together. Merely find
or steal an Old Tablecloth or White Bedsheet
and place it over your head in a spooky manner. Next,
obtain a Pair Of Terrifying Scissors and cut
two Frightening Eyeholes so that you can see.
Try not to Gouge Your Eyes Out while cutting!
Finally, practice in a mirror making Scary Noises
such as 'oooh', 'uurrrghh',
and 'pleghhh'.
If
you plan on walking alone in this costume, be sure to avoid any
and all people wearing brown jumpsuits with strange electronic
contraptions strapped to their backs.
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THE
SCARY GHOST |
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THE
ANGRY PIRATE - A friend suggested to me that I dress up
as a Pirate this Halloween, but I laughed off his
suggestion as both boring and idiotic. Later on, however, I had
an epiphany during a chronic stroke of genius - an Angry
Pirate is both creative and terrifying, and is in no way
related to my colleague's original suggestion!
For this costume,
you will need an Angry Pirate's Eyepatch, which
you can obtain from any Angry Pirate. Place it
over one of your eyes - if you are missing an eye, place the patch
over the Empty Socket for extra realism. You will
also need a Pirate Parrot to perch on your shoulder
- I used a Startlingly Realistic Stuffed Parrot
with Real Talking Action, but anything closely
resembling my bird will do just fine.
Remember that
as The Angry Pirate, you must be angry! Soft-Spoken
Pirates or Melancholy Pirates are not
acceptable.
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THE
ANGRY PIRATE |
This impressive list
should give you an idea or two for your costume - now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm off to plan for next year.
-Dr. S
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