Fun Scientific Facts By Dr. Floyd H. Shkletzinheimer

Dear Reality Syndicate,

I have been apalled at the quality of late of "Fun Scientific Facts" columns in local newspapers - in no way is it "fun" to learn about how to grow bacteria or burn things with a magnifying glass! How can children expect to learn any scientific theory when all they are exposed to is the sheltered world of the "Mr. Wizard" scientific community?

Enough, I say! I am here to break this horrible trend! Yes, I plan to provide real and concrete knowledge for the everyday child.

So gather 'round, kids, and let's learn about THE LYMPHATIC SYSTEM!!!

According to The Ultimate Visual Dictionary of Science (DK Publishing, 1998), the Lymphatic System "removes excess fluid from the body's tissues and returns it to the circulatory system. It also helps the body fight infection. It consists of lymphatic vessels, lymph nodes, and associated lymphoid organs such as the spleen and tonsils."

Now, kids, you may be asking yourself, "Why have I never heard this before? This is the most exciting thing I've ever heard! Forget Power Rangers and Pokemon! This is much better!" Well, hold your horses, there, because this is only just now getting interesting. Back to the quote:

"Lymph vessels form a network of tubes that reach all over the body. The smallest vessels - lymphatic capillaries - end blindly in the body's tissues. Here, they collect a liquid called lymph, which leaks out of blood capillaries and accumulates in the tissues. Once collected, lymph flows in one direction along progressively larger vessels: firstly, lymphatic vessels; secondly, lymphatic trunks; and, finally, the thoracic and right lymphatic ducts, which empty the lymph into the bloodstream."

Whoa, what a rush, eh kids? Wow, that lymph sure does travel far. I bet you wish you could do that! Now, try to suppress your enthusiasm for this next part:

"Lymph nodes are swellings along lymphatic vessels that defend the body against disease by filtering disease-causing microorganisms, such as bacteria, as lymph passes through them. There are two types of defensive cells in lymph nodes: macrophages, which engulf microorganisms, and lymphocytes, which release antibodies that target and destroy microorganisms. Lymphoid organs also contain defensive cells that destroy microorganisms found in blood or, in the case of the tonsils, air. Lymphoid organs do not filter lymph."

Wow! Amazing! I could barely sit still! I was on the edge of my seat! Etc.! Well, kids, I'm sure you enjoyed today's session as much as I did - don't worry, you won't have to wait long for the next lesson. If the Syndicate agrees, I'll be coming EVERY WEEK to teach you all about exciting things like cellular mitosis and the periodic table of the elements!

So, until next time, kids, remember:

SCIENCE CAN BE FUN AFTER ALL!!!!

Sincerely,

Dr. Floyd H. Shkletzinheimer
D.D.S.P.C., M.D., C.O.D., A.B.C., 1.2.3.