Beginning - Happy, yet Repressing

Here the sample Happy Face is as happy as he was when he was first drawn, content with the world and advising others to "have a good day." Be wary of such faces that seem as if they are bottling their emotions, because sudden changes can happen... suddenly. The onset of NEBS is rapid and unexpected, with no signs of warning.

Step 1 - Snap!

Suddenly, with the onset of NEBS, the Happy Face realizes his life of false hopes and cramming goodwill down the throats of strangers. This phase is known as "Uncontrollable Rage." It is incredibly violent and can result in nearby sketches being injured severely.

What to do:

Keep you distance, remain calm. Call for help should the rage overtake the Happy Face and result in a frenzy of destruction. Should the Face turn his/her rage on you, throwing a small stone or pointed stick in their general direction can ward off a vicious attack.

Step 3 - Sudden Realization

After the first phase draws to an end, the Happy Face tends to stop abruptly and realize that it has been causing mass destruction and frightening neighbors, not to mention violating local noise ordinances. This phase is generally under fifteen minutes.

What to do:

Keep quiet and let the Happy Face think. Do not try to approach the Happy Face prematurely as this could result in a recession to step one, of course resulting in further pain and suffering to innocent bystanders. You don't need to watch the Face to closely, so go turn on the TV and dress your wounds incurred from step one.

Step 3 - Sadness

This is the step in which all of the emotions of depression and sadness bottled up over the years pour out uninhibited. Crying like an adolescent or even preteen female giraffe is not uncommon. Though some Happy Faces wail and moan while they cry, others tend to make little noise and just let the tears flow like an open faucet.

What to do:

Supply as many tissues are necessary until the tears clot and the crying stops. One tested and true method to stopping the crying in less time is putting an arm around the Happy Face, and along with patting your hand on the Face's back twice, monotonously croaking "There, there."

Step 4 - Remorse

When the sadness passes, remorse weighs heavy on the Happy Face. Unfortunately, this phase of NEBS can last anywhere from twenty minutes to 90% of the life span of the Happy Face. The Face tends to be very quiet and pensive, not talking openly to anyone.

What to do:
Try to talk to the Happy Face. Do not draw attention to events that could depress him/her further, but don't try to cheer them up. Just talk, and most importantly, listen.

Step 5 - Over Eating

During step four, the Face will eat very little. Once the Face begins to eat normally again, he/she is on the upswing to step five. In this phase a Face will eat anything edible, and sometimes eat plastics and sand. It is not uncommon for a hungry Face to gnaw on a fellow drawing.

What to do:
This is a dangerous time to be within five feet of the Face, as you may lose some body parts to his/her gaping mouth. Supply as much food as the Face is willing to eat, making sure the food is both nontoxic and low in cholesterol. Feeding play-dough to the Face is strictly advised against as it could cause a chemical imbalance resulting in recession to step one.

Step 6 - Revenge

Slowly the Face will slow his/her eating habits to normal levels and begin smiling again. This is not the end of the road! The smile will appear happy at first, but soon turn evil. During this phase, orange horns may or may not sprout from the upper circle area. The Face will insist on swift revenge to everyone and everything who has ever done him/her wrong. Most of these thoughts of revenge are completely irrational.

What to do:
Restrain the Face if you can. Try to talk sense into him/her and should the need arise, consult your local exorcist. Keep limbs away from the mouth area as he/she may try to seek revenge on you by biting you severely. Mark Twin said laughter is the best medicine, so while the Face is restrained, approach from behind and tickle until the Face cries or wets him/herself

Step 7 - Tiny Face

A Happy Face is composed of a face, usually eyes and mouth, on a circle. In this peculiar phase, feelings of revenge subside and the face shrinks on the surface of a circle to 25-35% of its original size. Emotions are purely remorse and sadness, but the Face actually doesn't know that his/her face is grotesquely small.

What to do:
Point an laugh. Should you feel the need, invite friends over to look at the funny looking Happy Face. When the Face asks why you're laughing, insist you're laughing with him.

Step 8 - Apathy

When the Face regains its original size, most of the feelings of aggression and sadness are worked though. The Face is not ready to be happy again quite yet, so a brief phase of apathy ensues. He/she tends to have no definitive expression and takes a neutral stance on debatable issues.

What to do:
Try to encourage some feeling in the Face. If there is an election happening at the time, re-spark interest with stupid buzz phrases like "Rock the Vote." To get involved with physical activity, coax the Face with a shiny dime or some string. Once the Face is interested, lead him/her around the block to get some well needed exercise.

Step 9 - Acceptance

At long last, the Happy Face completes the initiation on NEBS. He/she accepts that the world does not always have a good day, but does need to be told to once in a while.

What to do:
As this pestering ordeal has consumed a small portion of your life, exclaim "It's about freakin' time!" Proceed to make yourself a sandwich and tell the Face to stop freeloading and get a job.