The Latest Polls Show... By Mr. Fred, Professional Zombie

Yes, it is I, the only dead member of the Reality Syndicate team. I'm happy to back after some time working with the living. Yes, you folks whose blood actually moves through your veins have a few misconceptions about dead folks like me!

I felt I needed to better understand how you saw us through your eyes and how wee saw you through our eye sockets. So what is the best way to gather information from groups of people?

Polls!

I started by polling the living about how they see the dead. After questioning 492 random people, here's what my results were:

Living Poll #1
What do you believe happens when you die?
		54% - You stop breathing
		22% - You go through a tunnel with a light at the end
		11% - You are instantly reborn as a butterfly and/or slug
		5% - You remain in the building you're in and haunt its inhabitants until your lease runs out
		4% - You may die some day, but I plan to live forever
		3% - Not Sure

As you can see, you living are quite set in your ways when it comes to death. You're all so sure about what lies beyond. How many of you ever even been dead? Huh?

That's what I thought.

Look, as most live humans know nothing about what happens when all those "organs" you hold so dear decide to stop working, I think you really shouldn't make up fantastic stories about the life of a dead person. Such baseless tales usually lead to whole communities of living folks having wacky ideas about dead people that they believe are completely true! This is unfortunate, but it happens all the time.

Well, in order to put some of these idiotic ideas to rest, I decided to poll a group of 573 random zombies about a few random things. If your heart is beating right now you may be quite disillusioned by what the dead think, en mass.

Dead Poll #1
If you were to be transported into space, which method would you prefer most?
		54% - By rocket
		22% - By catapult
		11% - By wishing you were there and then suddenly being there
		5% - By having space come to you
		4% - Earth is a part of space, I'm already there (smart aleck option)
		3% - Not Sure

Dead Poll #2
If Bananas could be any color, what color would you prefer they be?
		60% - Stay yellow
		18% - Blue
		13% - Purple
		6% - Multicolored
		2% - Transparent
		1% - Not Sure

Dead Poll #3
What nighttime activities appeal to you most?
		57% - Baking a sheet of cookies
		17% - Performing an impromptu version of Hamlet with skeleton friends
		12% - Laying face down in your grave and imagining shapes in the dirt
		6% - Cuddling with bunnies and/or puppies
		5% - Devouring the brain matter of a screaming, writhing victim while snarling and laughing maniacally
		2% - Not Sure

I hope this helps clear up some misconceptions about the dead! You living may think we don't enjoy cuddling with fuzzy animals, but as Poll #3 clearly showed, approximately 6% of zombies habitually do.

Remember, live humans, just because you hear it on TV or the radio or from a friend or see it written in a fortune cookie message, it doesn't make it true. As always, the voice of the populace has shown through to the truth. This is Mr. Fred, wishing all of you readers a happy, prejudice free day!

- Mr. Fred
Professional Zombie