Jason Cross

To fully understand the background of Jason Cross, one must go back in time to the dawn of the universe, where it all began. After that, there was a whole bunch of unimportant junk not worth mentioning, which brings us to...1981!

Ah, 1981... turning point in the history of mankind... As a young boy, Jason took a special liking to anything shiny or brightly colored. With time, over the first few years of his life, his tastes changed to a more refined preference: things that were suitable for chewing on, such as food, building blocks, small coins, the fake grass in the bottom of easter baskets, and of course paper, glue, and tape.

At the tender age of 3, in the year of 1984, young Jason was disappointed to learn that there was no "Big Brother", nobody understood what he meant by "double-plus ungood", and the school bully could not be arrested for thoughtcrimes. Crushed and disappointed, Jason set out to remedy his problems through literature.

Jason's disillusionment in George Orwell had led him to set his own goal to achieve: He would not be some "washed-up" writer: oh no, not Mr. Jason Cross! Instead, he planned to be a critically-acclaimed, publically-admired, much-beloved box engineer!

Yes, the enigma that is "the box" had always intrigued Jason, even at the still-relatively-ripe age of 12. How, he pondered, could 6 walls be so exactly fit together, with such fine precision that little more than a drop of water could drip through the seams? For hours, even days at a time, Jason sat motionless, staring at his BlamCo™ box: he knew it was the key to his destiny. So, he finally took action...

He gave up the whole box thing. Admit it, that was absurd! Boxes, indeed. Grow up, man! And that's just what Jason did.

Nowadays he's about 18, owns some kinda website thingy, and probably makes about a billion a year. Well, close anyway: these website people always get the best business.

That's the whole story: only, to this day, a tiny box sits atop Jason's desk, taunting him... calling to him... perhaps someday he will heed its calls...

In the meantime, if you want to be all boring and read Jason's real bio, click here.