Red Rover, Red Rover, what a boring game. Send this guy, send that girl... Sure there's idiots running headlong into human barricades, but not much beyond that. Now, if you were to arm one team with fishing nets and the other with snow shovels, that would make things interesting.

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The experience of a 5-foot tall watermelon smashing through a wall and charging into a room, screaming incomprehensibly and flailing his bizarre limbs, is one that I hope nobody ever has to experience... again.

Trying to stay awake and pay attention to something (like watching TV or watching somebody speak) when you're teetering on sleep is darn hard to do! Even though the hallucinations can become entertaining as your mind drifts off to sleep while you think you're still paying attention, it is quite a difficult task to keep any focus at all.

Once upon a time, there was a great king. The king was in control of the whole land, and was not very nice to the peasants. One day, an especially argumentative peasant strode meaningfully up to the king, looked him straight in the eye, and said:

"Someday your tyranny will end, evil oppressor!"

After the peasant was put to death, everything was peaceful again and the king ruled forever.

If numbers were superheroes that fought each other, think of who might be the strongest. 16,543 is pretty big, but 16,544 is bigger. Negative numbers would have a definite advantage. If I had to pick a hard-core winner though, it'd be zero. He could multiply himself with any other number and make more of him. An army of zeroes would be unstoppable!

Today is not April 1st! Ha ha! April Fools, everyone, I'm of course kidding...

Wait a second, I really can't do that now, can I? I'm just confused... Man, I'm always late. Always.

Sorry to inform you of this devastating news so suddenly, but the Reality Syndicate has just sold 99% of it's webspace to Microsoft. We will now be debuting one article every three months and the remaining space will be used to sell lap tops with the improved Windows ME!