Edgar Allen Poe was terrible at math. The original draft of The Raven had a schizophrenic mathematician with a dead wife and an ebony bird incessantly quothing "Forty-four."

Gulliver was huge in Lilliput and tiny in the Brobdignag, meaning that if the Lilliputians were given mining tools and wet suits, they could perform repairs on cancerous cells in the bodies of the residents of Brobdignag. Think about it.

Don't call us sell-outs just because we all love the refreshing, delicious taste of ? SODA - we're merely expressing our opinions. ? SODA: Cool down your thirst.

Abundance of 12 oz. aluminum soda cans around your workspace? Try using them to fashion a makeshift canoe. That's one good way to turn cans into can-do!

Are you a risk taker? Perhaps it's time you stopped taking risks and started giving. Do this by destroying credit ratings or removing guard rails from twisty mountain roads.

If I had a cooking show and a viewer took it upon themselves to alter my recipes to fit their kitchen, I think I'd feel obligated to hunt them down and rub their nose in the filth they create from what was once beautiful.

A man rode into a town on Friday, stayed three nights, and left on Friday. How is this possible?

A: His time machine's name is 'Friday'

The problem with society today is those damn kids with their "Vivaldi" and their "Smooth Jazz".