An oxymoron is simply a phrase that contradicts itself. Many things, besides spoken language, contradict themselves though! Consider an Oxymoronic Gesture. Such a gesture is one that involves destroying the concept of the gesture in the process of gesturing, such as making a wink extremely obvious and blatant. Oxymoronic Gestures are fun!

Circular logic. Things that contradict themselves. Boy those are fun. For example, it is possible to spell the word "incorrectly" incorrectly, yet it also possible to spell it correctly, which is "incorrectly." Consider spelling it "incorektly," which, though incorrectly spelt, compliments the very meaning of the word itself.

Do you ever wake up finding yourself capable of only seeing the color blue? Are you able to produce birthday cakes in record time? Do you enjoy watching VH1 in seventeen hour lengths? Perhaps you belong in the Army of the Obscure! Contact your local recruiting office and join the strangeness today!

He's not the cause of your problems and you need to stop blaming things on him. No, just listen to me... No! Listen! Listen very carefully... Al Gore is not responsible for you socks turning pink in the dryer. Do you understand? Do you? ARGH!!! There's just no reasoning with you, is there?!

These "How to Speak Australian" commercials for that beer don't do the fine Australian citizens justice, I think. Every Aussie I've ever known was hard core! They never went to book clubs or made figurines of hambuger-man hybrids out of clay. What are these ad consultants thinking?

Once upon a time there was an angry used car salesman who hated celery. Along came the noble raccoon who was impartial to celery, one day. The two got to talking and in just a short while, that old used car salesman had the noble raccoon convinced. Celery was awful.

I had a dream the other night involving a world that was covered with ocean and nothing else. I lived in a hot air balloon and my best friend was a red carpet, about fifty feet wide and long enough to extend forever over the horizon. The carpet followed me around and told me stories of his life as a Vegas card shark.

The Syndicate has been in the off position for some time. Now it's time to get back into the swing of things! This fall is jam packed with some great stuff. Just what stuff you may ask? Mind your own business! Yeesh.