NewsReel
Archives for February, 2002
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| February
26, 2002 |
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Finishing letters
with words like love, sincerely, or yours has
been done to death. Instead, try words like harrowingly,
chortle, or igloo.
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| February
25, 2002 |
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Did you know
that "DRIVEL" in the ancient Gaelic tongue means
"wisdom"? I didn't. That's because it isn't true.
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| February
24, 2002 |
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Practically every
day on the calendar year has some historical significance that goes
with it. That is, every day except the 32nd
of June. Nothing important ever happened on that worthless day.
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| February
23, 2002 |
If
you ever try to tie a beautiful woman to train tracks, but are
stopped by a handsome rogue, be sure to snarl "Curses!
Foiled again!" while twirling your handlebar moustache
and slinking back to your hideout.
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| February
22, 2002 |
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If
a friend asks why injecting cappuccino directly into his veins is
a bad idea, smack him. Then, after smacking him, help him realize
his goal of a caffeine IV.
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| February
21, 2002 |
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Fill a hammock
with watermelons. Pull the hammock back until it can stretch no
more. Release. Run. Lay Low. Repeat.
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| February
20, 2002 |
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Approach
your local intimidating giant of a person and tell him/her exactly
how lovely their shoes are. Play your cards right and you could
have a new bodyguard within days.
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| February
19, 2002 |
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In
case studies, 56% of people who tried the product liked it for its
minty taste, while 41% disliked it for the gritty texture. 3% were
undecided.
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| February
18, 2002 |
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Well,
we're about to turn two years old. Most two year olds have a limited
vocabulary and lots of baby fat. Us? Why we're super two year olds.
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| February
16, 2002 |
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More Mythology
Fun Facts: Zeus, in early artist renderings, had a massive purple
beehive haircut. It was quickly changed to the long white beard
in order to make him look "less cartoonish."
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| February
14, 2002 |
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Mythology
Fun Facts: Mars is the Roman god of war, love, death, the sun,
the color red, all words beginning with the letter P, and chess.
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| February
12, 2002 |
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Patience
is a virtue, especially when it comes to waiting patiently for wings
to grow out of your back by the course of nature rather than building
your own out of rubber bands.
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| February
10, 2002 |
Annoyed with
your computer constantly crashing? Have deep seeded issues with
your mother? Can't seem to strike a peace agreement in the Israel?
Throw a brick through a plate glass window. That should calm you
down
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