NewsReel
Archives for February, 2003
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| February
25, 2003 |
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Certain countries
are still centuries behind in joke technology. Some countries in
eastern Europe are only just now discovering the knock-knock joke,
for example.
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| February
25, 2003 |
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Even though a
few people thought it was cool When Gary started wearing sunglasses
and calling himself Hollywood Gary, most saw right through
his attempt to be more like Hollywood Dave.
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| February
24, 2003 |
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Tattoos around
the eyeballs are only cool if they're straight black circles accompanied
by a chest tattoo that says something to the effect of The Raccoon.
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| February
23, 2003 |
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Time for analogies!
wheel:car::pineapple:Vermont
vertical:beef::battery:pancreas
dinosaur:Europe::plastic:Chewbacca
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| February
22, 2003 |
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Weird Al, in
my mind, will always be Michael Jackson dyed white given curly hair
and glasses and blown up like a birthday party balloon. That's just
how I see him.
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| February
21, 2003 |
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I feel sorry
for Captain Hook. Gummi Bears, the most delicious food to come in
bear form (or the most delicious animal to come in gummi form) would
be especially challenging to eat.
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| February
20, 2003 |
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Paper is stupid.
It just says whatever is written on it and never says anything different.
Paper is much smarter when in tree form.
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| February
19, 2003 |
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Enjoy your week
with some bingeing and purging, but be creative. For example, binge
with Cheetos and purge all things orange, or binge broken glass
and purge shredded innards.
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| February
18, 2003 |
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SleepyTime
Tea rules, because it makes you sleepy. HyperTime Tea
is cool as well, but it really keeps you up. I'd rather not go into
my experiences with GenderConfusionTime Tea.
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| February
17, 2003 |
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In Backwardsland,
life begins at death. Every year people celebrate deathdays to commemorate
another year accomplished of backwards living. When someone should
be born, however, nobody expects it. Well, unless they're really
young.
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| February
15, 2003 |
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FOX is a mediocre
network at best, but what happened to its animal competitors? Where
are the great smut networks such as SLOTH, BEAR, and WILDEBEEST?
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| February
11, 2003 |
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Take pride in
everything you do. Take pride in your job, take pride in the way
you part your hair, and for heaven's sakes... Take pride in your
desire to collect stamps!
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| February
6, 2003 |
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The idea of being
lost in a sea of faces simply disgusts me, especially if those faces
have acne. Come on people, get some facial cleanser!
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| February
5, 2003 |
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Every good scientist
is one part Albert Einstein, one part Aretha Franklin, and one part
germ warfare.
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