Want to try something different this thanksgiving? Baste a plank of wood in varnish and serve uncooked. Garnish with charcoal. Take extreme offense to any dinner guests who question your cooking.

I'm sick of Mr. Kite having shows on trampoline. Speaking of which, I find the Hendersons to be remarkably boring, and Henry the Horse just plain smells.

I'd like to see a battle between Luke Skywalker, Gargamel from the Smurfs, and that sock puppet that used to work for pets.com. My money's on Gargamel, but that puppet could be full of surprises.

If slinkies could talk, they'd probably ask not to be thrown down stairs so much. I imagine they get dizzy and probably nauseous during each stairway escapade.

In my opinion, editorials suck.

Halloween may be over, but that doesn't mean you can't stop scaring people! At work or school today, jump in front of someone and scream Latin phrases at them in a demonic voice!