Why must we name people after things? I know if I was named Dawn (first I'd be mad since I'm not even a girl), I'd feel awkward at just about any sunrise. Let's stick to names like Glermorf and Degnod, people!

Although wood products make excellent resources for the construction and maintenance of all sorts of structures, they are infact not an effective substitute for regular exercise and plenty of vitamins.

No genie is dumb enough to grant someone the wish of infinite wishes. How about the wish of infinite genies, though? I don't thin anybody's tried that one before.

How many rows must a man walk down, before he asks himself why he's wasting his life doing nothing but walking down rows?

If the planet Earth had to have a face, I'd want the mouth to be somewhere in the Pacific. Let's face it, with all those fossil fuels down inside the planet's bound to have some bad breath. Let's keep it as far from the continents as possible.

Today's safety tip:

Never run with scissors unless you're in a big hurry or wearing a protective Hazmat Tyvek Suit with matching Asbestos Mask and Toxic Refuse Handling Gloves.

Okay, we'll go over this one more time. White pages are residential, yellow pages are business, blue pages are government, green pages are Martian, and red pages are stained with either blood or tomato juice, depending on the area in which you live.

Today is Saturday the 13th, the second most scary and unlucky day ever! Okay, so it's not all too scary. I don't think you could do any better as a day. Leave me alone.

If fires are alive than the number one cause of death in this country is probably lack of oxygen.

We can safely assume the whole world has gone mad. That in mind, exactly how mad has the world gone? 24% mad? Two thirds of one unit of insanity? Twelve kilonuts? I think mathematicians, psychologists, and geographers need to get together soon to figure this one out.

If real people were proportioned like Lego people, it would be very hard to move around. With no knee or elbow joints and a U shaped hand thing that just twists in circles, I would find it very hard to type on a computer, play football, or bake cookies.