There once was a man from Gibraltar,
Who was so opposed to the concept of limericks as a whole that he refused to take part in any of them.

If you took all the moral fiber in a politician's body and strung it out end to end, it would reach from one end of a football field to an inch from that point.

The phrase "politically correct" has been deemed offensive by certain groups of people. It will therefore be changed to "socially ambiguous and assumed with proper reinforcement to be reasonably justified and universally non-offensive", or "SAAPRRJUNO" for short.

Ladies and gentlemen, the sky has defiantly remained blue for too long. Change is essential to the survival of mankind: let us rise up and enforce a new color for the sky! Grab your torches and pitchforks and meet by the old mill!

A sneeze is a pretty violent bodily function. Who's to say that when you sneeze you don't accidentally eject memories from your brain directly to the air surrounding your head? Next time you sneeze, try to remember this possibility and examine your thoughts. Just hope the memory of this possibility is not the memory that gets sneezed out.

Until we can design a newer, fluffier, softer, more delicious brand of muffin, the world will always seem empty to me.

Even without the use of narcotics or anesthetic, individual words can be quite funny if one's in the right mood. Words such as Detergent, Phlegm, even Supplement. Who knows why certain words can just be found funny for no reason, but I'm not complaining.

As a firm advocate of anti-media propaganda, I insist that there be no Newsreel for today. Unfortunately, I have just created a paradox, and now the universe will collapse upon itself. Have a nice day.

The semicolon (;) is a fantastic breakthrough in grammar technology. It began when the comma (,) and the period (.) were driving to auction one fateful November morning. After a terrible car crash the two were on their death beds. With marvels of modern science the two were combined to make an all powerful new punctuational superhero, the semicolon!

If somebody gives you the number of a great pizza delivery place and the number begins with 911, don't call it!!!! You could be in for a shock. Everybody knows a number beginning with 911 is Chinese Takeout, so be warned. Don't look like a fool and call expecting pizza.

Plug the drain in a sink and turn it on full blast. How long might it take for that tiny little sink to fill the entire house with water? Such a question demands experimentation, but if you choose to attempt this scenario please use a house that isn't yours.

If you're in the process of doing something and somebody says "Not so fast!" simply continue but at a slowed rate. This will prove quite annoying while accomplishing nothing. It may even invoke a violent response, but either way, it will make your friend think twice about the common phrases he uses in the future.

I ate at a Chinese restaurant today called the "Golden Panda." It struck me that a real panda made of gold would not do too well out in the wilderness. Think about it - furry pandas are slow as they are, and one made of solid gold (weighing in at about 2.4 tons!) would be quite cumbersome. Evolution would have weeded out that feeble, albeit valuable, creature a long time ago. I left with a great sorrow for the poor Golden Panda.

You can tell a lot about a person by what's on their keychain. How many keys they have. Whether they own a car. Um... What pointless knickknacks they have on there... OK, fine! Maybe you can't tell a lot about a person by their keychain, but you can figure out some things. Some useless, boring things indeed.

Palindromes!

Pat, no. Is Pepsi on tap?
I like palindromes, emord nil ape. Kili!
Ok, that last palindrome sucked. Dek cuse, mord nil apt salt. Ah! TKO!
Yeesh, is this ever a waste of time. Emit, foe. T.S.A. ware, vesihtsihseey.

I had a dream the other night where I was a dead person. All dead people walked around in a crew with other dead guys from house to house scaring the living. We had a set of rules, too. Keep your face covered and don't leave anything behind were the big ones. At the end of the dream we got a job remodeling the set of "The Tonight Show for the Dead."

They say that "Three's Company", but in fact recent studies have shown that many more people, sometimes hundreds, are required to effectively run a company with any success at all. This new information could change the face of business and cliché rhetoric forever!

The Reality Syndicate prides itself on quality web design and site flow. We've also seen far too many low quality sites that are fraught with problems. Thus, as a public service, we've created a Tutorial on How to Prevent Broken Links. Please use this tutorial to help the quality of your site today!

Once upon a time, they lived happily ever after.

Buy the Reality Syndicate catalog! Spend your money on a book which can be used to help you spend more of your money! While you're at it, spend more money on a Reality Syndicate T-shirt and advertise for us! Why not just email us with some credit card numbers? What are you waiting for? Do it now!

Recent events have brought to my attention something very puzzling - when you get a Cringing Migraine, do you cringe, or does your migraine cringe? And where exactly is Reactor 12? Why does 2 exist? Questions to ponder.

Have you ever stopped to think if your fork wants you to plunge it headfirst into your food? Please be courteous. The next time you're eating, ask your fork if it's up to the experience. Forks have feeling too, and deserve your respect and teamwork.

If the Wicked Witch of the West visited the modern world, she would be terrified - all the water flying around, right next to innocent bystanders! Not just on the form of rain, either. How about people watering their lawns? Sprinklers could be used as automated defense turrets against that particular witch.

Who coined the phrase "to coin a phrase?" Think about it. Are coins involved at all? Inquiring minds want to know.

I saw a program the other day about a guy who invented a "bear proof suit." The suit made him look like a transformer, but the most entertaining part was the suit testing. His assistants would beat him senseless with baseball bats, hit him with cars, etc. They even tried setting him on fire. Of course he was fine, but where could a bear find access to fire, a car, and a baseball bat?

The medical community prefers that the public dismiss hiccups as mere spasms in the diaphragm, nothing more. What they really are, however, are the prisoners trying to ram the walls of the interior of your body and break out. Yes, the United States Government has been shrinking convicts and imprisoning them in innocent people for years.

The Reality Syndicate proudly presents... fish.

Man has always wanted to fly like the birds, but one thing and one thing alone has stood in his way. He simply is afraid of heights. Sure, with enough effort and arm-flapping a human can render himself airborne, but the tremendous fear is enough to make people not even ant to try. So why try? Go with the crowd, stay on the ground!