Character
Comedy: 100th and Witty
By Chris Clark |
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 Welcome
to the 100th article of the Reality Syndicate! As we knew this third digit
in our count was approaching, the task at hand was to find an article
suitable to be the amazing 100th. If I started talking to you about cheese
and how it's affected the economy of some tribe deep in the African jungles,
the 100th article would be a tad anticlimactic, eh?
So, we've
instead amassed a collection of strange quotes from people featured in
the first 99 articles of the Syndicate. Some are Guest Columnists, some
are interviewees, some are just idiot we picked up off the street. Every
one of them has at least one odd quote they muttered at one point that
never made it into any article... until now!
Enjoy!
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Doctor
Floyd H. Shkletzinheimer
Guest Columnist
"It's
only the destruction of the universe. It's not the end of the world."
"It's
not the glasses that make me look so smart, it's the transparent
window in my skull that offers a clear view of my enormous brain
that I recently installed."
"Mad
scientist? I'll have you know I'm a Doctor!"
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Grog
Political Caveman Activist
"Why
must all caveman have bad grammar?"
"I
caveman, but I not refer to condo as cave. Caveman negative label."
"Others
eat mammoth at Memorial Day Barbecue. Grog no eat red meat, it bad
for Grog's circulatory system."
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Dan
Ilaqua
Idiot Who Ended Up in Some Article
"I
wanna talk to the green dude from space. He's ugly but cool."
"Refer
my complaints to that brick wall? That's interesting... My house
is made of bricks. Well, my mom's house."
"I'd
like to store all of Lake Michigan in a thermos."
"If
I was mayor, I'd kick the president right out of office and take
his job. My buddy Jim would then fill in as mayor."
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Harold
J. McHenry
Boy Scouts Spokesperson
"I'd
give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"
"I
don't know about you, but to me being burned alive doesn't seem
like it would be so bad."
"That's
my favorite double standard!"
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Blorflax
Guest Columnist
"You'll
regret the day you grew those hands!"
"I
love you humans and your theories. Relativity? That was hilarious!"
"We
have people dressed like the Pope in my Nebula. They usually manage
book stores and fast food establishments."
"Let's
not squabble over something as petty as human life."
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Norman
Gerbels
Banana Computers Mastermind
"I'll
drink to prohibition!"
"I
like my coffee #000000."
"Bill
who? What Gates? Oh yeah, he's the guy that plays for the Lakers,
right?"
"If
I had a tail, rest assured that right now it would not be wagging."
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Well,
it's been a great first one hundred articles. The next step shall be two
hundred, then one thousand, and then one thousand and three. Here's to
more Syndicate style satire!
-Chris Clark
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