Scientists
Uncover E-Motion Sickness
By Chris Clark |
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In
recent breaking news, medical experts from the community college of Thimblebrush,
Kentucky have discovered yet another disease to bestow as a fancy medical
term upon the ignorant drones of the populace. E-Motion Sickness.
E-Motion Sickness refers to the alterations in
bodily regularity that result from seeing things dance around on a computer
screen. Scientists say the symptoms of E-Motion Sickness are as follows:
1. Discoloration
of the Phalangetical Exremeties.
Why these "doctors" can't just say "fingers"
is beyond me, but the symptom remains. Colors may very depeding on what
processed snack foods the patient has been consuming in enormous quantities
over the time of exposure. Common colors are orange (symptom refered
to as Phalangius metacheetos) and brown (Phalangius protococopuffaluim).
2. Excessive facial
hair growth.
There are
a few poor souls who sit perched in front of their screens for days
at a time. Occasionally, the growth of facial hair becomes so great
that a family of squirrels or other suburban rodent may dwell inside.
This symptom is known as Rodentiapelatumbriel.
3. De-evolution.
As the
hours stretch into days in front of the glowing monitor, scientists
have found that the normal human can actually de-evolve. Basically,
the brow and bridge of the nose will begin to protrude and the jaw will
sink. Most moderate cases of E-Motion Sickness result in reverting to
the form of Homo Neanderthalus, though rare cases have seen Homo
Habilis and even Austrolopithicus.
Q: Do I have E-Motion
Sickness? Am I succeptible to it?
How are you asking
me questions? This article isn't even over yet! Well, fine. The Reality-Syndicate
has devised a simple test for determining succeptibility for E-Motion
Sickness. To take the test, click here.
Otherwise, to skip
the test and read the rest of the article, click here.
Thank you.
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