Fragonomics! By Chris Clark

Part II - The Bill of Rights

Over two hundred years ago, our fore fathers created a list of amendments to protect the people. That list is known as the Bill of Rights. Since then, plenty of garble and jargon on the subject of an overpowering government has been the topic of many stories. The Bill of Rights seems necessary, right?

Wrong! The poor government is always the bad guy. Everybody blames things on the government when it's innocent! Under the new iron fist <ahem> that is... gentle blanket of Fragonomics, the Bill of Rights states the certain inalienable rights that the government has from the people.

Amendment 1.
The Speech and Assembly Clause
The government shall have the right to freedom of speech, religion, peaceful assembly, violent assembly, and absurd invasion of the privacy of the people.

Amendment 2.
The Searches and Seizures Clause
The government shall not be subject to spontaneous searches and seizures by the people. The people shall not search government facilities without just cause and a parent (or legal guardian) issued warrant.

Amendment 3.
The Crappy Website Satire Clause
The government shall not be subject to being relentlessly made fun of and satirized on crappy, media-themed websites with blue color schemes. The government has the power to protest such websites, boosting their publicity, but not shut them down completely.

Amendment 4.
The Trial and Explanation of Satirizing the Real Bill of Rights Clause
The government has the right to a fair and speedy trial, unless the guilty fit the definition of "celebrity." In such a situation, the "celebrity" shall be known as "above the law." On the real Bill of Rights, this being Amendment 4 should be satirizing searches and seizures, but Amendment 2 did that. What'd you expect?

Amendment 5.
The Formal Document Protection Clause
The government shall be protected from excessively long political documents. No document presented by the people to the government shall be overcomplicated for no good reason. For example, such documents that would not be considered legitimate would be any form with a title composed of random numbers and letters or a Bill of Rights with more than five Amendments

Amendment 6.
The Wasteful Spending Clause
The government has the right to use money in pathetically stupid ways, regardless of the opinions of the people. Endowments to the Unnoticeable Arts, the Unnecessary Sciences, and/or Subterranean Foreign Engineering Projects are examples of legitimate spending sources. Should the people protest, the government shall have the right to whine and pout while crying to Europe.

Amendment 7.
The Alien Conspiracy Clause
The government has the right to exploit the knowledge of extra-terrestrials long before the people do. The government can "cover-up" the knowledge if they wish, or let the knowledge trickle out slowly through Hollywood Blockbusters. Should the government be accused of "conspiracy" by the people, the government has the right to senseless brutality and taxation.

Amendment 8.
The Santa Clause
This is Santa Clause. The government has the right to believe in him or disbelieve in him. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy insures that the government does not need to express it's beliefs upon the existence of St. Nick, nor does it need to ask the people of their belief.

Amendment 9.
The Self Alteration for the Heck of it Clause
The government shall have the right to make unconstitutional changes to the Constitution, instate any law that turns a profit, and corrupt two of it's three branches. The government can reserve the right to abolish any amendment on this Bill of Rights (but why would they want to?) and create new amendments that better suit its needs.

That's all for now. The crazy new government will probably add some amendments to this down the line some where. Be expecting something that creates a crappy election method known as "The Electoral Trade School" in a year or two.

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