Fragonomics!
By Chris Clark |
 |
Part IV - Let's Make Some Laws!
How
does one make a new law? Well, either under Fragonomics or the current
system of "Spendonomics" (heh, just kidding!) it's a fun and
exciting journey through paperwork and old white men in suits! Let's go!
Step
1: Writing a "Bill"
 The
ball gets rolling when a drunk or significantly buzzed bar patron is
enlightened with an idea for a law that will help control our society.
This patron, in a staggering haze, crawls his idea on a bar napkin.
This isn't a law yet, but right now it does have a name. That bar napkin
is known as a "bill." The bill is what we send to the government
for processing.
Step
2: Taking the "Bill" to be Processed
After
placing our bill in a sealed envelope and placing that envelope in our
sealed solid fuel rocket, we head for the Fragonomical Legislative
Napkin Processing Facility in the Karundle Nebula.
This poorly rendered map will show exactly how to reach the FLNPF.
There, Fragonomical Soldiers and Mercenaries will make our bill into
a law! However, there are plenty of steps to be taken on the way to
the FLNPF.
Step
3: Surviving the Journey
 The
Karundle Nebula is inhabited by the vile Karundlians (kah'RUND'lee'uns).
Their technology is significantly more advanced than ours and they seem
to love to keep humans as pets or helper animals for the disabled. Blorflax,
evil overlord of the Karundlians, is pictured here. How does one survive
the onslaught of these aliens? Well, here's a list of information that
should give you the tactical advantage.
- Karundlians are
allergic to peanut butter.
- Karundlians will
instinctively destroy any being that utters the word "fungus".
- No human with blond
hair has made it past the Karundlian border guards.
- K-Mart has very
low prices on hair dye.
- Karundlians are
all huge fans of Ewin McGregor.
- 24% of statistics
on the Internet are made up.
Step 4: Infiltrating
the FLNPF
And you thought you
could just stroll right in and hand them your napkin. Fool! Nobody who
works at the FLNPF wants to do an ounce of work, and making a new law
is a lot of work. Thus, they would rather fight you to the death than
take your bill.
 So
how do you get your bill inside? Well, refer to the close-up image of
the Fragonomical Legislative Napkin Processing Facility to the left.
Notice the three big holes that make it look like a cross between the
Death Star and a Happy Face that has just witnessed a robbery. Any of
these three holes can serve as the Napkin Intake Port. Simply eject
from your craft and head home, leaving your rocket on a collision course
with the FLNPF. Your bill will be recovered from the wreckage and gradually
processed.
Step 5: All Finished!
Now you can start
the 2.7 trillion mile trek back to Earth. Hey, it's not that far! If
we had measured it in light years the number wouldn't be nearly as big
as 2.7 trillion. Relax. Your law should be added to the national policies
charter within six to eight days. Fast, huh?
Conclusion:
Well, what do you
think of the Fragonomics method of creating a law? I bet you were expecting
something more along the lines of poking fun at Congress and such.
Silly reader.
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