Fragonomics! By Chris Clark

Part I - The Monetary System

Money is the driving force in today's capitalist society. From Buying and selling goods or services, to helping businesses flourish, to life-simulating board games, to bribery and racketeering, money can be used anywhere. Thus, money is a vital part of any government. So, using Fragonomics, we kept the whole "money" idea, but revised it a tad.

Q. What is the present state of money in the US?

A. Good question. To answer that refer to the chart at left. As you can see, the relationship between money and everything else that is not money can be denoted with a red line. The line goes up and down, but as this graph is from 1972, the line goes up for the most part.

When the line goes up there is a direct increase in peanut butter consumption and a direct decrease in the frequency of twelve stop program meetings. For example, Compulsive Gardeners Anonymous is a popular twelve step program in Green Bay, WI. Towards the end of this graph, where the red line jumps, meetings would be every two weeks rather than every four days. We can only assume by economic models that in the expanded amount of time between meetings, gardeners would be eating more peanut butter.

Q. How can we change this system for the better?

A. Another good question. After all, that's the purpose of this article, right? Basically, such a system is far too simple to cover our vast nation's many nooks and crannies. We need to complicate things! This time, refer to the graph at left. The list below will describe the situation.

• In this graph we have now incorporate foreign systems as well, such as Japan (Yen), Britain (Pounds), and New Zealand (Thirds).
• The filled-in areas in the background denote stocks, the building blocks of all companies in the public sector, and kiwi, our nation's primary staple. Note the stock to kiwi ratio in the center and how it coincides with the gross margin of the US Postal Service.
• In addition to the red line, a blue and green line have been added to chart the values of the colors blue and green in the open market.
• The ink stain in the corner is confusing since this graph was created on a computer and no ink was used in the process.
• There's more stuff too, but we won't explain that now. It really isn't necessary.

Q. Will monetary units remain unchanged?

A. Ha! Yeah right! Those boring green papery things called "bills?" We decided those had to go. The new monetary unit will still be papery, and greenish, and called a bill, but... wait... I guess it is pretty much the same. We just changed the design. See the artist's conception of the new $4 bill. All other standard bill sizes ($1.5, $37, $184) will have a similar layout, including people you probably don't know featured on the bill face.

Conclusion

Well, dear readers, I hope you took notes or printed this out or something, because in less than a decade's time (hopefully) this will be the new form of money in our country. Remember, buy stock in Kiwi now and don't worry about buying wallpaper (the present soon-to-be-obselete paper money will make a great substitute).

Thank you for reading the first installment of Fragonomics!

Next: The Bill of Rights

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