Halloween and Colored Headlights - Funky! By Jason Cross

Well, it was Halloween a few days ago (October 31, for those of you with IQ's smaller than your shoe size) and boy, do I ever have a story to tell! Get comfortable and listen - here's my spooky Halloween story.

I stayed home. Absolutely nothing happened.

Wow! Wasn't that terrifying? Okay, okay, so I didn't TOTALLY stay home - I actually went to a party dressed as "HE WHO WEARS BLACK" because I didn't take the time to think of a simple costume. I just decked out in all black and wore sunglasses - Boom! Instant Costume! Yes, I know, it's sad, but what are you gonna do, eh? What? Huh? WHAT?!?

People told me that I looked like Neo from The Matrix (See "Spoke, Neo vs. Jackie Chan, and Helicopter Collision Physics"), so I had an excuse for the rest of the night.

RANDOM PERSON: Who are you supposed to be...?
JASON: Um... Neo?
RANDOM PERSON: Oh, cool man. Want some chips?
JASON: Why bother? They're not real.
RANDOM PERSON: Huh? What are you talking about? They're real...
JASON: What do you mean by "real"? How do you define "real"?
RANDOM PERSON: Okay, dude, you're freakin' me out. I'm gonna go talk to that chick over there.
JASON: Do what you gotta do, man.

That was basically my whole night. I didn't go trick-or-treating (That is, like SOOO last year!) or even answer the door and scare little kids. It was over as soon as it began, like most holidays.

But hey, look at the bright side! I got to eat tons of candy! Yeah!

There's another thing I need to talk about - "Why, I know what that is," you say... "I saw it in the title! Colored headlights!" Well, you're right. Cars that have colored headlights (I'm sure you've seen them - it's only new cars, they have yellow or blue-tinted lights instead of the norm) annoy me considerably! (And that's a lot!) I know that they're meant to "Increase safety by making the car more noticeable", but frankly, they're distracting! When I see an oncoming car whose headlights are blue, I can't help but stare into them like a cow in the middle of the road. If anything, they're just attention-getters. And we all know that's bad.

Look at me!!!

So, Dear Readers (that's another thing that annoys me! The phrase "Dear Readers"!!!), until the next installment, remember:

--insert catchy and provocative slogan here--

Later!