Medication
Merit Badge
By Peter Jacobsen and Chris Clark |
 |
 Have
a flare for chemicals that can warp mind and body in ways once thought
to be impossible? Medication Merit Badge is for you! This is the only
merit badge thus far in existence in which scouts taking it get to ingest
horrific amounts of pills that come in a variety of colors. Scouts even
get the opportunity to exchange pills with other scouts on medication,
and even make up their own administration schedule!
Requirements
for Medication Merit Badge:
|
1. |
|
Explain to your
counselor why such awful symptoms such as stomach ache, head ache,
blurred vision, delusions and coughing up blood are well worth it
if your pill gets you to "shut the heck up and sit down"
|
| 2. |
Show that you
can take your pills in the following manner as needed:
|
|
|
|
a. |
Orally
|
| b. |
Topically
|
| c. |
Intravenously
|
| d. |
Anally
|
|
| 3. |
Explain why the
busy lives of the following people are made easier by your sedated
state:
|
|
|
|
a. |
Parents
|
| b. |
Teacher
|
| c. |
Counselor/Scoutmaster
|
| d. |
Friends
and/or Relatives
|
|
| |
4. |
|
Trade some pills
with your friend, in order to see how different medications effect
you. Write a short report about the experience for your counselor.
If the new medication makes writing too difficult, a slurred, incomprehensible
oral report will suffice.
|
| |
5. |
|
Make a schedule
of your medication times. Examine your schedule for places where
you may not feel under the influence of the medication or where
the pills may wear off too early. Adjust your schedule accordingly
to ensure a constant affect from the medication.
|
| |
6. |
|
Discuss with
your counselor why a life long addiction to a mind altering drug
is preferable to an imagined minimally researched mental condition
that you may or may not actually have.
|
| |
7. |
|
Discuss three
possible careers in medication with your counselor. Tell about what
high school courses might be useful in the fields of pills, drugs,
and chemically induced mental/physical alterations.
|
 Not
too many scout troops even know this badge exists as of yet. The author
of the badge, Peter Jacobsen, is quite famous for tampering with medicine
within the Boy Scouts and created this badge only a few days before this
article became public. Truly a genius, that one is.
After
all the pill popping involved in Medication Merit Badge, most Scoutmasters
who are becoming familiar with this brand spankin' new badge recommend
scouts to take Death Merit Badge either immediately
following or at the same time. The two do seem to have plenty in common.
Contact
your council office for an official merit badge pamphlet (shown right)
complete with the requirements listed above and plenty of information
on the many types of pills, their uses, and ways to obtain them without
going through doctors or pharmacies.
Happy
Scouting!
-Peter Jacobsen and
Chris Clark
|
