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Another Faceless Get-Rich-Quick Scam! $$$
By Chris Clark |
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(Original Posting
Date: January 15, 2001)
The following is shocking
satire of something that's probably being emailed to you right now from
countless unknown fly-by-night sources. This satire is brought to you
courtesy of the Reality Syndicate: www.reality-syndicate.com.
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***DISCLAIMER***
We're not at all sorry
if this mail offends. We are greedy and have a great deal of contempt
for the Internet. If you would like to be removed from our mailing list,
you can't. Simply respond with the word "REMOVE" in the title and you
will receive more unwanted information!
******
Friend,
Are you lazy and believe
you are above the common human being? Do you put yourself before others,
never giving and only receiving? Do you want to make money for doing absolutely
nothing?
Sure you do! You're
an American!
(Note: If you're not
an American, but at least have little or no work ethic, this add may still
apply.)
The truth is that you
don't get something for nothing and if we were to pay you anything to
be online it would be pennies a month. But we'd rather not disclose the
truth and pack your ears with lies!
Introducing the "Internet
Money Machine" Program!
You can make HUNDREDS
of dollars with this program!* THOUSANDS of people have tried it and GOTTEN
RICH!!!** You can get HUGE checks in the mail for DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!***
This program REALLY REALLY WORKS!!!!!!!!!****
-- The Technical stuff
(don't read this, please, before signing up for the program) --
*profits may vary,
chances of receiving more than $100 over the course of seventeen years
approximately 275,904,100,000,000 to one.
**all that tried this program that got rich had successful careers and
their wealth may or may not have been a direct result of the program.
***average value of monetary transfers to customers approximately 2.3
cents per month, though actual physical check size measures four inches
high by twelve inches long.
****the basis of this program is it is stated by this companies mission
statement and charter is to rob customers blind in exchange for giving
them a false sense of accomplishment and earning.
When you sign up for
this program, you simply view adds on your computer screen whenever you're
online. Each add has interlaced flashing frames that fly by at speeds
incomprehensible to the conscious mind, but your subconscious becomes
hypnotized and switches into "buying frenzy mode!"
We pay you .00000009%
of the money used to generate each add, since you stared at it for a minute
and a half! Over time, that adds up to a lot of money.
REFERRALS!
That's right, you can
even make money by referring more people to use the Internet Money Machine
System. When you sign up somebody under your name, you receive .00000003%
of the money that goes to the adds they see, and you never even had to
look at them!
So... If you look at
ten adds and you refer three people who each look at ten adds, you get
a check for .00000018% of the money it cost to put those adds up on your
screen. Amazing!
This program is something
everyone can enjoy. You can get all the information you need at our site
at:
www.thisprogramisatotalscam.com
Or just go straight
to signing up at:
www.thisprogramisatotalscam.com/wasteoftime.html
We hope to see you
sign up today!
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We hope you enjoyed
our view of the garbage of the Internet. If you enjoyed reading this,
perhaps you might enjoy visiting our site.
The Reality Syndicate
www.reality-syndicate.com
We offer a variety
of articles and columns that make fun of just about everything we can
find. All clean humor, and we don't even have a banner on our site. You
won't be put on any stupid mailing lists by visiting us either.
Do you share similar
contempt for anything in the world today? The Reality Syndicate loves
to publish articles that anybody chooses to write, as long as they're
funny and not entirely too vulgar. Visit our site, and if you like what
you see and have a few satirical ideas of your own, we'd love to publish
your work on our site. Hey, you get full credit!
Have a nice day, and
don't take anything to seriously!
-Systems Administrator
The Reality Syndicate
www.reality-syndicate.com
A forum for the free exchange
of abnormal ideas and media!
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