It's
No Gaggle
By Sea Dreamer |
 |
MAY
3, 2002
A woman
from Birmingham, England, today proved for the first time in known history
that it is possible to have your arm broken by the wing of a swan.
 Ms
F. O'Tunate (29), of Raddlebarn Farm Drive, Bournville was recovering
at home today, following her run-in with a particularly vicious bird while
strolling down the canal towpath near Cadbury World last night.
"It was a terrible
experience!", she told press at a conference outside her house this
afternoon. "I feed the ducks and swans every day and never once have
they turned on me. I guess I've got them used to the high life of supermarket's
finest bread, and they didn't take too kindly to the cheap loaf I picked
up from the corner shop on my way to the waterway."
 Only
last week, the Birmingham Police Force mentioned a growing concern regarding
the bird life of the city, and stressed continued concern for the protection
of local dog walkers. In a follow-up to this latest incident, PC Yur Nikked
said, "People should be vigilant at all times. We are trying to apprehend
the local menace, but leads are growing thin. Our latest sighting of the
offending bird was in the Selly Oak area at 6 AM this morning, but by
the time we'd got there, it had gone. The bird was seen to be draped in
laurel leaves bound with fishing twine, and is thought to be highly dangerous,
so do not attempt to approach it."
 When
pressed as to whether the swan could be considered a national threat,
PC Nikked left the crowd abruptly. However, an anonymous independent expert
gave his thoughts on the subject, "By the look of the adornments,
this swan has appeared to have achieved the highest ranking known to any
feathered beast. Spurred on by its current victory, it will be looking
for its next victim. The bird is fit and healthy and obviously has a lust
for violence. Who knows where this will end..."
Named by some as the
unluckiest woman in the world, Ms O'Tunate wound up the conference by
reminding everyone to heed the warnings your mother gives you as a child.
"If you ever thought that a swan's ability to break bones was an
old wives tale, just remember me! I'm not old, and I'm no wife neither..."
-Sea Dreamer
<contact
the author>
|
