Let's Go Travel - Siberian Safari! By Chris Clark

Let's Go Travel! Hey gang, it's Chris again. Welcome back to the land of foreign wonderment, exotic destinations, and baffling local food customs! This time, join us as we go wild! That's right, it's to to go on SAFARI! And what better place to cruise around in all terrain jeeps spotting wild game than the vast plains of Siberia? So, saddle up partners, it's time for a Siberian Safari!

What to Bring

Now, although Safaris are glamorous and fun, an element of danger is always present. One thing to remember is to dress appropriately. Pictured right is Steve from our tour group, sporting his cool Safari duds! When dressing, stick to light cotton knits. Machine wash only, too, because who has time to dry clean when your miles from civilization? Dress light too, because nobody wants to be wearing ten layers when the noonday Siberian sun beats down on the base camp! Along with dressing up just right, pack plenty of water in canteens, bottles, or to be daring, the hollowed out gourd (to impress locals with knowledge and application of their customs!) As usual, don't forget to bring hair care supplies and disposable cameras!

Getting There In Style

Siberia is in northern Russia, and any way you slice it, that's a long ways away! To avoid the outrageous ticket prices and gripping fear associated with commercial air travel, consider tunneling through the Earth. Being able to travel a straight line distance will save time, and the scenic views of the Earth's inner mantle are simple breathtaking. For more information on subterranean travel, consult Hollywood's fledgling library of geological documentaries, particularly the most recent addition: The Core.

Now, if you find your wallet's a bit shallow to afford piercing the planet, there's always alternatives. To save our budget, our tour group of 73 loaded onto a bus and cruised out to the Pacific coast. From there we loaded into the cargo hold of a Chinese freight ship, and upon arriving in Asia, hitchhiked our way up north. Total travel time: approx. 118 hours, so be prepared to take a few weeks off of you job at the mill! Upon arrival in the wilds of Siberia, however, all the long hours, tight spaces, and moderate starvation are so worth it!

Home Away From Home

Ah, Siberia. Such a land of unquestionable beauty and grandeur. For as little as $219.99 American per day per person, we were treated like Siberian royalty by a local safari tour company called "" in the settlement of Nizhniy Ingash. Meaning "Safari Good Time Tour," we knew we were in for a treat! First we stayed in authentic Siberian huts made of gortex and plastic called "tents." We camped out in the middle of the wilderness, immersed in nature and it's glorious whiteness. Consider shopping around for your choice destination and price, but be prepared for a tough choice! Every spot we looked at was glistening with similar picturesque views! But enough about our base camp... on to the safari!

On the Game Trail

At dawn on our first full day there (daybreak was at about 3:15 in the morning, for you science geeks!) we were up and on safari. I was excited to see the native beasts of the land in their natural habitats. Our group of 73 piled into a couple jeeps and we were on our way!

Now, the locals were quite adept at spotting fauna without disturbing them. After seeing native deer and ground rodents, the group and I got a real treat when we entered goat country! Now we've all heard stories about the wild Siberian farm goat, and they are completely accurate! These viscous creatures have been clocked at speeds of up to four miles an hour and will eat nearly anything they can catch! Although their diet consists mainly of ground plants and garbage, local legends claim that particularly "ornery" Siberian farm goats have been known to devour entire human children and vanish into the cold, cold, seemingly impossibly cold night. These stories really gave us a mix of the jitters (truth be told, some of that jittering was from the "refreshing" cold!) and excitement! I anxiously awaited seeing a deadly goat, but was informed that deadly goat season was a few months yet away. Time to start planning my next safari, I suppose!

Well, much of the time spent on our little odyssey was back at base camp—huddling together to cling desperately to warmth, scraping bits and crumbs out of our exhausted food stocks, and singing happy songs around the blackened spot of rocks where we failed to build a roaring fire! I tell you, safari me be an ancient African tribal word for "animal watching fun," but I found that much of safari was about friends! I got to know plenty of people in my tour group and just to what lengths hunger and desperation were capable of driving them to! That's something you usually don't learn about a friend until you've at least spent weekends rollerblading in the park.

Eventually we packed up our belongings and began the long trek home. It was admittedly very difficult leaving behind a land of such beauty and camaraderie, but there's always next year! So gang, if you're looking for a romantic six week getaway for a honeymoon, a exciting spring break locale away from the rigors of college living, or a life threatening ordeal that will push the limits of human endurance and sanity, consider "going wild" with a Siberian Safari!

See y'all next time on Let's Go Travel!

-Chris Clark