I Should Have Been the Spring Mascot! By Bitter Watermelon, as told by Jason Cross

I can't even begin to express how angry I am.

Sure, I know the Syndicate creators have a lot to do, and I know they're awfully busy, and I know they've already got two (yes, two) Mascots on contract for this Spring, but just look at me! I'm a freakin' watermelon!!! What could be a more perfect symbol for Spring than a huge talking watermelon? In my book, nothing.

But nooooo, they couldn't see it my way. I walked into the Syndicate expecting them to be begging me to replace their old Mascots, considering I am after all a monstrous, sentient watermelon. And guess what happened?!? That's right!!! I was rejected! Utterly tossed out onto the street! Well, maybe not literally, but I was not accepted as the new Spring Mascot, anyway.

Those stubborn fools don't know what they're missing out on - just look at that picture to the left I fabricated: don't I just fit perfectly into that little 90x90 spot? I sure think I do. And besides, all those other mascots do now is sit there and stare at each other, blinking their eyes provocatively. One of the creators told me this is supposed to be "significant" and that it's "intentional". Ha! Look what I can do! Sure, I don't move much, but I have a very dynamic expression! I can yell louder than a 747 at 100 meters! I go very well with any picnic! Why did they reject me? WHY?!?

The other guy told me it had something to do with the fact that I burst through the wall instead of using a door, and that I began screaming at everybody working there immediately. I think I made that zombie guy cry. But come on, I had to make myself known! I couldn't in good conscience ignore my talents and natural perfection! I had to share it with the world! Loudly! And violently!

Apparently some people don't know the meaning of "subtle encouragement". But not to worry, I may have lost the battle, but the war is yet to be decided! I will fight onward, nobly, loudly, and wantonly! Get ready world, here I come!